Anyone see that mouse?

Getting ready for a meeting and decided on flat shoes as I needed more comfort today. Only worn the shoes a few times and not for ages but they felt ok and comfy enough.

During the meeting I needed the loo, it was very quiet just the speakers voice projecting from the platform , until I took my first few steps 😮 ‘Squeak, squeak, squeak’ I stopped and so did the squeaking. It was my shoes! I tried to walk slower, so slow I was hardly moving. Sqeeeeeeak, squeeeeeeeak.

I walk with a stick and I was imagining that someone was about to come over with a can of WD40 and start spraying it on my joints. I felt like a rusty old tin-man needing a drop of oil here and there 🤣 Actually that’s probably not far wrong! However I felt the need to mention it to any person close by me and explain that it was my shoes squeaking and not my joints, to which I was told that it was said that squeaky shoes meant that they hadn’t been paid for. I had to think back but im pretty sure that they were on sale for £3 in Primark but I can’t be positive. At the end of the meeting I squeaked my way out and went home.

After the meeting, we were going to a get together at a friend’s house and I wanted to wear the same shoes. I’d heard that talcworked on squeaky shoes so I emptied some talc in them. I put my feet in them and ‘poof’ Olive’s ghostly face was blinking up at me but it actually seemed to work.

Getting to our friends house I took off my shoes at the door and walked towards the living room, I looked back and saw that a trail of white footprints were following me along the wooden floor. I shuffled back towards the kitchen as casually as I could in my bare feet spreading more talc along the way and then I shuffled back again casually of course. No-one seemed to have noticed and they certainly would’ve said if they did.. end of the evening I put on my shoes and squeaked back to the car to go home.

Now i know why I hadn’t worn them for so long.

I Only Wanted Milk.

A slow walk to the shop. It’s Sunday so I assumed that it would be a quiet walk there and it was. I passed the bottle of milk to the young man behind the counter and he asked me how my day was. I told him that it was going quietly just how I liked it and he proceeded to tell me about his day, even though I hadn’t asked. He then starts telling me about his relationship with his ex girlfriend, he said it was a long story and asked me if I wanted to hear it. I had to be honest and tell him that I really didn’t want to hear it right now but he began to tell me anyway. I didn’t want to be rude so I smiled and nodded for a little while then told him that I had to be going.

Seriously, does this face looks like it wants to hear your life story? Does it say, “Speak to me, I want to hear all your personal problems?” Well it must do because just around the corner was a woman and 2 kids , she was carrying a doll in her arms and smoking a fag. She immediately starts speaking to me. “Don’t worry ” she said, ” It’s not a real baby, if it was, I wouldn’t be smoking.” I looked at the child standing by her and asked if he was a real boy. She laughed and said he was real, not sensing my sarcasm. The boy then said, ” It can’t be her baby anyway coz it’s black.” I raised my eyebrows and advised that she teach him the facts of life and also what rasicm is, and I kept walking.

As I entered my building another was coming in through the back entrance and as I put my key in the lock, she said, “So, it’s you who’s moved in here is it?”. “Apparently so”. I replied, probably looking like The Joker forcing a smile as I was slowly closing the door even though she was still talking.

It was then I realised that I’d forgotten to get coffee. 🤔 I decided then that tea is just as good and I had plenty of tea bags.

Some Days Are Just A Waste Of Make Up.

Got out of bed even more tired than when i got into it. No motivation or inclination to do anything at all but I did have to try and run a mop over the bedroom floor as I’d dropped a jam and cream cake ( yes devastating!) and I hate stickiness.

Note to self : You no longer live three floors up. So, mopping up the remnants of my cake, breaking out in a sweat and wearing only a t-shirt and knickers, I glance towards the window where I make eye contact with an older gentleman who paused and nodded his head to say hello. Automatically I stopped and said, “Hiya” before realising what was happening. 😐

I had to get dressed anyway ,to go and get milk. I drink a lot of coffee and there’s only so much coffee mate that I can cope with. In the shop I was panic stricken as my card wouldn’t work but then, I realised that I was trying to pay with my Tesco Clubcard 🙄

Getting home first thing I did was put the kettle on “need coffee!”. Seconds later I realised that I’d gone out for milk and come home with pork scratchings 😑

Dark by now i wasn’t trusting myself to go back out, who knows what I’d have come home with. I looked for a film to watch ,that didn’t use up much brain power and I chatted to Olive. I called her over to me a few times but she was unresponsive so, after 20 minutes of coaxing her I had to get up and go and get her. I leaned over towards her to scoop her up just as Olive meowed at me from the doorway. I’d spent the last half hour talking to my boots 😶 no wonder there was no response. Can’t wait to go back to bed! 🤣

A Cookie Dough Icecream Day!

Only reason I got out of bed was to let my dinner in, plus I had to put evil Olive in the bedroom before they arrived, as is our agreement. I gave her a big fuss, as I have to every morning or else she spends the whole morning trying to kill me. She allowed me to pick her up because she was loving the fusses, I carried her into the other room, put her on a nice fluffy throw and hurried out, quickly closing the door behind me. I went to put the kettle on and there she was waiting for me! I know I’m not so fast on my feet these days but seriously, she’s like the Flash, I did not see her get past me. I repeated this, three more times before she finally stayed put. Just in time as well as the grateful dinner lady arrived.

Anyway, I decided to take a little stroll around to town and get a bit of fresh air and blow the cobwebs away. I turned the corner and horror of horrors, there was the bloke that had talked at me for hours the other night telling me every little detail of his life.

I’d only been walking down the street , when I heard a voice shout, ” Oi love, where do I know you from?” Before I could answer he added, ” Oh I know I always see you around town don’t I. Yeah that’s right.” Without pausing for a response from me , he continued to talk, telling me every single little detail of his life. I tried to walk off a few times but he walked with me and was still talking when I got to my flat, no way was I letting him know where I live, he’d be outside my window talking at me or chatting at me through the letter box. Oh my goodness, no. So, I just kept going down the street as Olive’s confused little head poked though the blinds and watched me go. It was ages before I made my excuses and ducked into a shop to give my ears some relief before they jumped off my head and ran screaming down the street!

Well. there he was again talking very loudly to another person who looks like a rabbit trapped in the headlights. I didn’t make eye contact and hurried along the pavement when I heard, ” Yooo Hooo! Wait a minute!” . Yes, he had zoomed in and pounced like a lion on it’s prey.

If I thought that the other day was bad, well, it was nothing compared to this! He is not a quiet person and continued to speak very loudly about personal things that I don’t want to repeat, the least of which was a very detailed description of a rectal exam that he’d endured recently. Other shoppers passed and looked at me with pity in their eyes, as I gave them a very timid smile in return. I didn’t want to be mean so, I listened for longer than any person should have to, as he obviously needed to talk. I then decided to try and give some helpful advice and suggested that he get some counselling and he said he was on the waiting list.

At this point I decided to start sharing some of my problems and began to interrupt him at regular intervals with ‘ like for like’ problems. It seemed he wasn’t interested in my life either. Eventually, looking most annoyed he reminded me that the shop I was heading for was about to close very soon and I should go if I wanted to catch it. I thanked him and said we’ll talk again soon and I’d tell him some more about myself next time. He watched me go and seemed most dissatisfied at our little chat. I ended up hiding in ‘The Works’ and spending £15 on things I didn’t really want before hurrying back home.

I have so much that I want to tell him next time we meet, I can’t wait!

Enough About the Cat

Let’s talk about me …..

It must be hard getting to know me…. I don’t even know me really, at least, I don’t know all of the ‘ me’s ‘ . I have more than one personality but I”ve never met any of the others and only know ‘of’ them. Whenever one of them pops up it just leaves a blank in my memory. It’s other people that i feel sorry for really because they have to put up with it and put up with the other ‘me’s’ …. as if one of me wasn’t more tha enough 🤣 Some of the happenings we can laugh about now but others will take a bit longer before we can find them funny .

I used to get totally freaked out, finding my stuff moved around or food eaten or things would just totally vanish into thin air. Now, I just mostly find it irritating , when I know I’ve put an item in a certain place and it’s not there, it could be anywhere or nowhere! 🤔

One morning I woke up and I’d painted the passage and I can’t even paint. When i do try, I make an awful mess and get paint everywhere but this was a really good job . No mess and no evidence that anyone had been painting either, and all brushes were cleaned thoroughly and put away again. I was well impressed coz I’m much too lazy to do that. I always leave paint brushes in a jam jar full of turps ‘ to soak’ like forever, or at least until it’s been so long that I have to throw them away.

It made me think of the children’s book, ‘ The Elves and the Shoemaker’ and I wondered how I could get the other me to do more around the house, wash the dishes, hoover, maybe put a few shelves up. Trouble is, I have absolutely no control over any of them… maybe they control me!

When they said, D.I.D. ( Dissassociative Identity Disorder) I assumed that it meant I would just behave differently on occasion coz I’ve seen films about people with multiple personalities and they are extreme, liked cross gender and everything and usually some kind of serial killer! Apparently, I have a few personalities who are all extremely different to me and from each other. One of the other me’s turn up and takes over when I’m in a stressful situation and I’m losing the plot. My brain created them to take over from me when it thinks I’m struggling and I can’t cope with a situation. Wow! Go brain! I think that’s awesome but also kinda creepy. It’s like my brain has a mind of it’s own, like an entirely separate entity, making decisions for me behind my back. 😱.

I’m told that it’s probably been happening since childhood and I’ve been totally unaware. I always knew that there was something weird about me but seriously this is beyond quirky!

I do wish that I could remember some of it though or get to know these other me’s. I’ve seen films about people with multiple personalities and every time they’ve all been aware of each other and know each others names and’ qualities ‘ , typical that mine should all be so antisocial.

I do know tht one of me is very angry and aggressive, not just because I’ve been told but because I almost ended up in trouble for something that wasn’t my fault and that I had no memory of, which was really very upsetting and frustrating and unfair. It’s also really scary, that I have to face the consequences of something that I didn’t technically do and have no memory of! So, if one day you bump into angry , aggressive me, the chances are I have no clue so, please don’t try and fight me coz I’m much too old for all that nonsense now lol.

I also know that at least two of us love our food. Food goes missing and noone else has been here except Olive and she can’t open chocolate wrappers. It’s so not fair that I’m denying myself cookie dough icecream coz I want to lose weight, then, someone else eats it and I still get fat! I find empty chocolate bars and crisp packets all over the place so, this one is a comfort eater for sure, or just a greedy pig.

However many of us there are, I’m pretty positive that we all like a drink or 20. I try to stay on the wagon but the other me’s won’t even get on it 🤨 There have been a couplè times when I’ve found empty cans/bottles that I’ve no recollection of even buying never mind drinking. This disappoints me. Not just because I missed the party but it was my party and i wasn’t even invited! lol. 🤣

There is also a me that loves to shop and spend money that I haven’t got. Mixed feelings about this one as I’m constantly in the red with the bank which isnt good but on the other hand, I get random little surprises through the post. It’s like having gifts from me to me, and it’s so exciting! It’s guaranteed to be something I want but I don’t know what it is. 💖

Sometimes, I wonder what else they get up to without me. Like, do any of us work in an office? Are they married? Do they have holidays abroad without me? I can’t help but wonder, what goes on in their lives and where do they go when Im here? 🤔

It’s no shock that I’m constantly exhausted though. One of them is awake all night decorating and/or partying or whatever when my body is supposed to be resting. I’m sure that one of them is an athlete too and goes running across the country all night long and that’s why I can hardly move all day!

Well , thanks a lot brain for bringing all these others along to “help me out” but seriouslyf they can go home now coz they’re getting me in trouble, eating all my munchies, drinking, partying and then, running all night with my poor legs. They are definitely not helping… plus , they don’t like the cat.

I could really do with some ‘ me ‘ time.

Don’t Bite the Hand that Feeds You.

It was 10 past 11 that my dinner arrived today and I was still in bed. Since I told them that I’d put the evil cat in another room at 11:30am they’ve been early every time. Today they sent the bloke again, he hurriedly entered and commented that I shouldn’t be in bed as it’s the middle of the day to which I replied that it felt like the middle of the night. At this time, as it is every morning Olive was too busy trying to get my attention for her morning fuss , to pay any attention to the dinner man, who then laughed and asked if this was the cat that everyone’s so afraid of as he went back out the door. He won’t be laughing next time I’m sure.

Seconds later the house phone starts ringing non stop. I don’t usually answer the house phone but it wasn’t going to stop so I did on this occasion and it was the man who was coming to reconnect my lifeline alert, who was sitting outside in his van. I let him in and he carries on with it. He also thinks it’s OK to comment about the fact that I haven’t long woke up and I’m in my dressing gown.

That very second, he let’s out a little squeaky sound and stares at me blankly. I can’t stop the little grin that’s creeping onto my face as I asked “Did she bite you?” to which he raised his hand above the table and I could see Olive, still attached to him. 😺 I really should’ve been horrified or at least pretended to be but I laughed out loud . I apologised and called her to me, still chuckling to myself.

I made a little fuss of her and carried on chatting to the lifeline man, which didn’t amuse evilO at all. She sunk her little pointy teeth into my hand and I let out a yelp as she ran quickly away. The lifeline man grinned as he said, ” Oh she bites you as well then does she.” He didn’t stay long after that and left before he’d connected my fall detector assuring me that someone else would call soon to sort that out.

I had a little treat prepared to give Olive for dinner today, a meaty selection with a crunchy crust of cheese and bacon topping! Doesn’t that sound delicious? Well Olive will not be receiving this delicious treat, not today, as she doesn’t deserve it. Bite delivery guys and engineers by all means but never bite the hand that feeds you, evilO, never bite the hand that’s mine !

The Little Things.

I got out of bed at 2;30 am to make some cheese on toast and I put cranberry sauce on top , it was lush! I got up again at 5 am to make some bacon sandwiches and I wonder why my clothes keep shrinking . I didn’t bother going back , I wasn’t going to be able to sleep so I watched a film and tidied up a bit.

As I’m emerging from the shower, Olive decides to place herself between the bedroom blinds (which were closed for a reason) so that anyone passing or who happened to look, could see straight into the bathroom at my nakedness. I covered up and hurried in to move her and she bit me! Grrrr….

I dried my hair and decided on a squirt of hairspray to hold my fringe out of my face and somehow sprayed it directly into my face and eyes. I could actually feel my face going stiff! I don’t have to worry about my moustache blowing in the wind now anyway.

Decided on a full face of make up today as well. I’m not going anywhere but “in case of snapchat” , you know what I mean.

I leaned over the kitchen bin to sharpen my eyeliner and got sprayed in the face “again! This time with, white cotton” air freshener. It only squirts every 30 minutes so , how’s that for timing!

I’m getting more and more accident prone lately. I thought I was going to be roadkill yesterday! I was crossing over the road in a tiny little dead end street by the post office in town minding my own business when suddenly I see a car racing towards me really fast, the lady driver had noticed a space that she could fit her car into. One tiny problem though, I happened to be in the way. Obviously my instinct was to run and that’s what I automatically tried to do, forgetting for a second that my legs don’t work that well. I went stumbling forward as, my body thought I was running but my legs said , No chance! My right leg buckled before I got to the pavement and I landed with a bump. I was not amused and glared at the woman in the car who was was looking most apologetic. I was too embarrassed to make a fuss and was holding on, to the names I wanted to call her, gritting my teeth I awkwardly got up from the floor, feeling like a proper twit.

The latest incident was this very afternoon when the lid fell off the pepper pot and it emptied onto my lovely dinner. I spooned most of the pepper into the bin but it still tasted very peppery, I ate most of it though, waste not, want not.

I’m not actually including my clumsy incidents. I feel there are a queue of little accidents, all lined up and waiting patiently, to see who can get me next. It’s a good job I haven’t got anything dangerous planned because I wouldn’t come out of it whole, I’m sure of it.

I would not be entirely shocked to find out, that Olive has been behind it all. She pretends to be acting all casual and laid back, when really she just wants cry laughing, as she knows what’s about to happen. All my recent accidents have probably been Olive’s ” on purposes and I would not be surprised if she slipped a few cat treats to that, look alike cat the other night and the whole thing was a set up!

I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

Supermarket Rage!

I had put off going to the shops as It’s been a mental few days , people everywhere millions of them and I don’t do people at the best of times never mind armies of them. I had to go out today though, so I was brave and entered B&M for a few things. The ailses were heaving with people barging past one another and I nearly got knocked over more than once, I was just concenrating on trying to stay on my feet.

Suddenly , the woman next to me starts effing and blinding really loud and aggressively and I felt sorry for her young son who seemed to be bearing the brunt of it. ” You tread on my foot one more effing time,” she ranted ” and Im gonna smack you straight in the face!” I raised my eyebrows and smiled to myself in disbelief, thinking you’ll be having social services for xmas if you’re not careful, lady! She then starts really going bonkers, don’t believe me do you? Think I’m joking do you? Do it again and see what happens.” I shook my head and rolled my eyes, as Í thought that it was so, not worth getting so stressed out, it was only one day. .

All I seemed to hear after that was this angry woman’s voice ranting and raving, it was starting to wind me up and I was anxious enough as it was. I then saw the queue for the checkout and it was nuts, people crowding right up each aisle and I was now begininning to sweat, I needed to get out of there and I turned around to see where I could put my basket. Theere’s angry woman, still red in the face, still effing and blinding but I’d blanked her out 2 ailses ago so I wasn’t paying attention to her anymore. I asked her to excuse me as I tried to pass and she said, ” yeah I know, not nice is it luv?”. I gave her a confused look and said, Get out of the way and pushed past, I left my shopping right there and fought my way out of the shop.

I was so relieved to get outside into the cold air and lovely rain! No way was I putting myself through that for odds and ends , I’d rather do without. I made my way back home and it was only then that it dawned on me, that this mental woman had been shouting and swearing at me the whole time, not her son 😂 it must’ve been me who trod on her foot and it must’ve hurt too , the fuss she made! I’d practically laughed in her face and made all sorts of gestures toward her, and my face would’ve said more than a thousnd words! She’d followed me around the shop going nutty at me and I was totally oblivious! I was already stressed and anxious so thank goodness I hadn’t realised what was going on lol I chuckled to myself all the way home .😂